I need a space to reveal out my feelings, thoughts, unhappiness, sadness... I really really am very tired, I mean whats the point of showing this strong look out to everyone and makes people thinks that I'm really am very strong person. Why must there be so many things happening around me ? I wish to be like what other 18 years old people is doing too. Enjoying their life, does not have so much responsibilities and burden to carry and worry about. I mean who can really understand what I'm feeling right now ?

Have you ever wonders what happen if one day, your mother suddenly met with some mishaps and couldn't be around to take care of the family, and you're the only person to keep holding on this house ? Yes, maybe to some people, it may seems like an easy job, but I'm not sure whether can I do a job ? Many people envy my family, those people who know me well enough should know, although I'm not born with a golden spoon but at least I'm very close with my family, esp my mum. Since young, my parents are divorce, so I stay with my mum. I know how hard is it for my mum to bring the 4 of us up single-hand. I know how hard it is for my mum to earn every single money to raise us all up alone.

I work part-time job to have extra money for myself, because I will never get money from my mum for my own leisure. Nobody will ever know the feeling I'm having now, nobody... Mummy is not around, I need to take care of this family. Yes, my father might be around to look after us for this period of time, but he never know what I'm feeling.. & I really don't understand my father, I know I'm working right now, but what I earn is just a little bit of extra income like few hundreds, and he expect me to have money for my everything ?

I find it so hard to find balance among working, studying, leisure and all my responsibilities. Every time, I need to worry about my little ones, whether are they doing good in school, then I need to maintain my house, making sure everything is in good order. And I need to worry about my school work and projects stuff, although right now is holiday.. Apart from all these, I also need to have a break for myself and I still need to work.. Its really tiring to find a balance point from all these. I've been trying very hard to maintain everything, but it just seems that every time everything is just so screwed up and nothing seems be right and satisfied everyone around me.

And to many people who don't know me, I may look like bimbo or some ahlians. But I'm not. I'm definitely not someone you think you can know. I've gone through so much more things in life than you all do.. And I definitely not those typical-girl-next-door. And people, please cherish whatever you have right now. Ask yourself, when is the last time you tell your mother that you love her ?

I really really miss my mummy, it has been months since I last saw her. For those who don't know, Yes, I am a mummy girl, and I always will be a mummy girl ! So what ? Sometimes, I really hope that somewhere, somebody out there can really really understand how I'm feeling right now.. Its never easy to appear strong, but being weak is worst than appearing strong so I will hang on. Sorry, I just feel like pouring out what I'm feeling right now..
Till here.

Withlotsoflove,