Hello, I've neglecting my blog for a very very long time. I just feel like letting out my rants.

My life is not as bad as before, as I'm now working. Good thing is I'm always busy working and keeping myself occupied with things so that I won't let my thoughts take control over me. It's just that I couldn't help but feel empty sometimes. It's like... I don't seems to have a purpose to live, or rather I can't find my purpose to live. Everyday I wake up, go to work, back from work, sleep. Sometimes, I feel so lost like I don't fit into this world, but sometimes, I feel so bliss to have so many people around me that cares for me. I don't know what I want. Maybe I still haven't really figure it out. But it's really scary, scary to grow up. Growing up in a process where you are being force to accept everything despite how reluctant you are. In this game of Reality, whoever puts on the best mask, win the game.

When we are all young, life is about who has more friends and who wins. Now that we've all grown up, life is about who puts on the best act and who wins. Society is too cruel and brutal. They stole away all our innocence and turning everyone into a monster. Maybe because I'm beginning to slowly step out of my "comfort zone" and I'm starting to see what the outside world is. I've met so many kinds of people, the fake one, the stupid one, the useless one, the cunning one, the kind one, the funny one and so many kinds of people outside. I've learn about the rule to survive in this game, is to play pretense. And trust no one but yourself. It's so hard for me to really accept this kind of life, but I'll try.

And this game has made me become so guarded. More guarded that I'm in the past. I've built this high wall around me, built up all these defenses and a whole suit of armor so that nothing can hurt me. And this destroys me. I find it even harder now for me to trust people. I'm so afraid to let anything in and violate my boundaries. I'm so afraid of people trying to get close to me. I don't feel save. Fuck this shit. I need to get all this unhealthy thoughts off my mind. If last year I can survive through all those downfall, this should be easy too. I can do it, because I am Arena.

Well, I really miss my home. I know this sounds weird, because I'm living at home but I truly miss my home, the home where momsy is here, sis and bro is here too. Living in this empty home makes me even more homesick. Just wish that time can stop at where I was 17............... Okay, below is the pictures of my life with wonderful people that I've met in the past month.