Sad isn't it.... Everyday we try so hard to keep ourselves busy pushing ourselves to its limit, pretend to be happy and smiling but the truth is we're all just trying to escape from reality and pain with a happy face and a fake smile....  

Everyday, I tried so hard to portray this happy me to show the whole world that I'm invincible, but honestly, how many could actually know that most of the time, I'm actually on the verge of tears wanting to give up so badly, let go of everything that is making me feeling so miserable. But I can't do it, asking me to give up is as good as asking me to die. The thing that is making me miserable is also the strength for me to move on in my life... There are just some things which I can't let go no matter what. I think that I'm trying my very best in whatever I do to maintain between my family, friends, school and work. But everything just don't seems to be in a very favourable situation. It seems like I'm a very bad sister, so bad that I think my sister doesn't even likes me cause she don't listen to me. I feel that my friend hates me and don't understand me. Maybe I seems to be unaffected cause I'm always so happy, but they don't know that a simple comment made by them really affects me in every single way, even if they're just joking. I think I'm really too sensitive..... They don't know how about my pain or how I feel... I think that the whole world hates me. I really thinks that I'm a very useless person. Every time, I screwed things up. And I really hate all the scenes that my mind is displaying... It just fucking make me even more demoralized. I know very well that my greatest enemy is no one but myself, and no matter what other say, it's useless. This fucking cycle, just when will this fucking cycle ends!

Honestly, I don't see the need to let the whole world know that I'm not okay with myself. Maybe I should completely shut myself and keep everything to myself. Cause everyday, it's just the same old shit. Face it, no one is interested in reading the same old shit every single fucking time. And no one will give a fucking god damn about how depress my life is. So, I should really just shut the fuck up and isolate myself from other people.... Arena, no one will give a fuck about it and try to understand how you feel, so just shut the fuck up, seriously...... 

Xoxo.

Withlotsoflove,