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WithL♥ve, Arena.L





Clicks ♥
Advts and other sites;


My alter ego ♥
My name is Arena.L;



Tumblr | Facebook | Twitter
Arena is my real name. 27 Aug is my birthday.
Don't judge me, because you don't know any of my story.
I'm incredibly awkward, sensitive, negative and faithless.
I think alot and worry alot about little things.
Most importantly, I care too much about everything.
I am boring and I don't have a life.
Get it?


Connections ♥
Bling like a diamond;


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Songs ♥
Scream the rhythm of the melody ;

Ecualizer Pictures, Images and Photos



Affiliation ♥
Indulge in reminiscence;




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A walk to remember;

Others ♥
Somewhere over the rainbow;
Monday, February 28, 2011
1:32 AM
I am a walking disaster


LOST AND INSECURE.
MESSED UP AND CONFUSED.
I HATE THIS FEELING. 
" It's okay, one day this feeling will be gone.
Just a matter of time, maybe not now, but soon."
...... But... what if the time never comes?


I am trying, trying and still trying... For this home, for my mother, for everything and everyone. But...
Once in a while, you'll just do something terrible to tear me apart, and break me down.
Nearly 2 years, I've been struggling for the past 2 years... In the mist of struggling, I lost myself..
I think that I've changed. I've change into someone I don't know.
I feel like a monster, a really terrible one... Or maybe it's just the real me screaming for help....?
It's scary to feel this way. Every time I look in the mirror, and I ask myself, when do all this started?
When did I lost my ability to smile and be happy? Which is the real me? I don't know anymore.
I don't know who I am anymore, I just want to run and run and run away from everything.
Too afraid to make anymore decision........ I feel so lost right now...
I don't know what I want anymore.... I am a walking disaster, a terrible person, a failure..
Too much thoughts kept inside me, left unexpressed.

I've tried so many ways to numb myself from all the things...
I need something to make me feel relief, to take away the emotional pain...
I drink, I smoke and I hurt myself... But all this kind of physical pain is nothing compared to the heartache.
It's useless, no matter how much I do, nothing is able to take away the pain of heartache.
I need to get used to living in misery, because this feeling will haunt me few years down the road...
It's not easy, but do I have a choice?
Nobody will ever understand how much I loathe myself.
Nobody will ever understand how much I blame myself.
The guilt is killing me and eating me alive.
Everyone told me that it's not my fault, but nobody is me, they will never understand how I feel.
I will never forgive myself till the day my mum is back.
I've let her down, I've let everyone down.................


Xoxo.

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Withlotsoflove,


I speak L♥VE @ 1:32 AM



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