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alien loves me, ♥


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    My name is Arena.L;



    Tumblr | Facebook | Twitter
    Arena is my real name. 27 Aug is my birthday.
    Don't judge me, because you don't know any of my story.
    I'm incredibly awkward, sensitive, negative and faithless.
    I think alot and worry alot about little things.
    Most importantly, I care too much about everything.
    I am boring and I don't have a life.
    Get it?


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    Indulge in reminiscence;




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    A walk to remember;

    Others ♥
    Somewhere over the rainbow;
    Monday, February 28, 2011
    1:32 AM
    I am a walking disaster


    LOST AND INSECURE.
    MESSED UP AND     CONFUSED.
    I HATE THIS FEELING. 
    " It's okay, one day this feeling will be gone.
    Just a matter of time, maybe not now, but soon."
    ...... But... what if the time never comes?


    I am trying, trying and still trying... For this home, for my mother, for everything and everyone. But...
    Once in a while, you'll just do something terrible to tear me apart, and break me down.
    Nearly 2 years, I've been struggling for the past 2 years... In the mist of struggling, I lost myself..
    I think that I've changed. I've change into someone I don't know.
    I feel like a monster, a really terrible one... Or maybe it's just the real me screaming for help....?
    It's scary to feel this way. Every time I look in the mirror, and I ask myself, when do all this started?
    When did I lost my ability to smile and be happy? Which is the real me? I don't know anymore.
    I don't know who I am anymore, I just want to run and run and run away from everything.
    Too afraid to make anymore decision........ I feel so lost right now...
    I don't know what I want anymore.... I am a walking disaster, a terrible person, a failure..
    Too much thoughts kept inside me, left unexpressed.

    I've tried so many ways to numb myself from all the things...
    I need something to make me feel relief, to take away the emotional pain...
    I drink, I smoke and I hurt myself... But all this kind of physical pain is nothing compared to the heartache.
    It's useless, no matter how much I do, nothing is able to take away the pain of heartache.
    I need to get used to living in misery, because this feeling will haunt me few years down the road...
    It's not easy, but do I have a choice?
    Nobody will ever understand how much I loathe myself.
    Nobody will ever understand how much I blame myself.
    The guilt is killing me and eating me alive.
    Everyone told me that it's not my fault, but nobody is me, they will never understand how I feel.
    I will never forgive myself till the day my mum is back.
    I've let her down, I've let everyone down.................


    Xoxo.

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    Withlotsoflove,


    I speak L♥VE @ 1:32 AM



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