Hello world. I don't know whether is there still anybody reading this blog, but it's okay, I will just update.
I'm feeling so much better.... Better in a way that I'm not so depress anymore. At least, I'm not crying my night, drinking my life and wasting my time away. But I do and still feels negatively at times. It's okay. I guess I'm finally used to it. Used to my life being like this, used to everything that hurts me and mould me into who I am today. I've become stronger than before. And I guess I made the right choice by doing everything. At least now, I'm really feeling so much relieved and better compared to last year.

Last year was a disaster to me. A really mad and crazy disaster. It's like the I'm at the lowest peak of my life, like I've dropped into a bottomless pit-hole and I can't see any light at all. Really, I feel so much during that period of time. I become someone that I don't know too. It's really scary... to feel that way. Somehow, I am thankful that I can survive through everything too. At least I've learn so many things and becoming a stronger person. I feel reborn. Like I'm starting a new life, because I've learn to accept that there are just too many things beyond my control. I'm learning to share my problems slowly, learning to say how I feel, learning not to pretend. It's so much easier to let things out......

Right now, part of my problem that triggers my depression is slowly going away. But, another new problem is coming up... I've reach my life's turning point. Which makes me feel very depressing also. I'm really lost in my life direction. I don't know what I want. Even if I know what I want, I don't know if I'm capable of getting what I want. And I don't know if what I want is something that will benefit me in the future? There's just so many "what if" that keeps on popping inside my mind. Everyday I'm like living my life aimlessly.. Just working(part time) my life away. Everyday either just work, and sleep. Or just stay at home and do nothing. If not I'll head out to do my things. It's like I've accomplish nothing at all so far. This is not the life that I want. I cannot and don't want to waste my life just like that. Sometimes, I look around me... And I see all my friends like having no worries about their future... It makes me think that am I too over reacting about my future or they all have already plan their future or they just simply couldn't be bother about their future? I really don't know, but somehow, either reason, I envy them because they seems to be so carefree... I wish to be carefree too.... ):

I do have a dream and I really want to pursuit my dream, but there are too many obstacle hindering me. I don't know if I can do it or not. I'm so afraid of falling, but if I never fall, I'll never learn. Sucks. I hate growing up. And I know that I need to stay firm to whatever choice I've made because once time is gone, it's forever gone. I'm giving myself till May to decide on what I want. I need to fucking stay firm on my decision. I can do it. Right now, I'm too lost to be found.. But I believe that, someday, the lost will be found.

Goodbye with a smile for you all :) Someday, I will be found...........

















Xoxo.

Labels: still lost