We're all growing up. And the stages of growing up is not easy. In fact, it's scary. It's like you're being forced to accept so many things in life, you don't really have the choice to choose whether to accept or not... It just happen and then you have no power to stop it but just accept it. Life is really so unpredictable. I've learn so many things in life. There are pros and cons to go through so much in life. It's good that I've go through so much and still able to survive. But going through so much have make me lose faith in believing in people. I've lose faith in love, in friendship, and most importantly lose faith in believing. I find it really hard to trust people, especially guys. I've see too much life example that make me so scare of trusting guys. You see, someone so close to you, someone that is suppose to protect you and love you, a father, is also doing things that hurt you... Tell me, how can you still be able to trust guys? I really hate my father. Because of him, I'm doubting myself, my ability, my confidence and my moral. I used to respect him in the past despite of how bad he might be, or how useless as a father is he, cos to me, after all he is still my father.. Without there won't be me too.. But now, I've totally lose respect to him. (Don't judge if you don't know anything. I'm not that kind of unfilial daughter that only know how to complain and curse.) I wish that he could just disappear from my life forever. I really hate him that causes so much pain to my mother and the family.

Right now, my main focus is to earn more money and save as much money as possible. 2 years, I'm giving myself 2 years to make everything works. I'm going to prove to every single person that disapprove me. And I know that many ppl are always asking me why I don't want to get a boyfriend? I'm not young anymore. I know I'm not young anymore and I don't have much time to waste already.. But I really don't want to find a bf right now, I need to settle my job first before any other things. And I don't want to have any commitment now, I don't want to find a bf just for the sake of having one. I really don't have time for all these. Yes, then some will say, because I haven't found the right one yet. Well, maybe I haven't yet. I do not know. But for now, I really don't want to get involve into any relationship till my job is more stable. Maybe if I settle all my thoughts and plans and I'll open up when I'm ready.

Really tired of always trying to explain things to ppl. Why must I keep on explaining to ppl about what I'm planning to do with my life? What for? They will always judge me and thinks that I can't make it, I can't do well. I mean, for what trying to tell ppl how you really feel but ended up being so demoralize by their remarks? And whats worst? Some don't even bother, they just ask for the sake of satisfying their curiosity. Really sick of all this bullshit. It's not like I owe anyone anything? Why must I report all my plans to you all? This is my life. I know I'm not perfect neither am I very smart. But that doesn't mean I can't excel in my entire life..... I know I can do it. Yes, I can.

Xoxo.

Labels: life plans